Wednesday, May 27, 2009

New Life

Here girls and boys wait to be born into the game of Life. Like the new Sorry, redesigned with a Windows Vista vibe, new Life was at first a rueful experience, like going back to your old college and finding that most of your favorite stores are gone.

But new Life has its charms, and a new agenda. No longer do you have to buy auto, fire, and life insurance, or go without and make your fellow players wonder about your suitability as a partner in real life. Most spaces dealing with car crashes and fires have been replaced with Spin To Win, your chance to play roulette. Gambling and trying to beat the stockmarket play a large part in the game, more than education or your choice of careers, and it's interesting that new Life came out in 2007, right before the whole world landed on the Economic Tsunami! space.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Alistair thinks that mice are tiny cats.

Oliver thinks the reason Alistair is not allowed to swallow toys is that the toys might break.

To solve our missing Earth problem, the maker of Oliver's solar system sent us Venus, a world that always makes me think of the Ray Bradbury story in which a child is locked in a closet during a rare sunny day on Venus.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Replacement Earth

Dear Educational Insights,

I bought EI-5235, your Motorized Solar System, for my son but found that the planet Earth was missing.

Could you send a replacement Earth?

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Achievements As Of 7:55am

Bedroom intruders repelled: 1
Breakfasts served: 3 (out of a possible 4, for a score of 75%)
Yesterday's Cheerios picked up off the floor: 8
Today's Cheerios picked up off the floor: 85
Number of times dishwasher emptied: 1
Number of time dishwasher filled: 1
Newspapers read: 0
Diapers changed: 0
Serious injuries: 0

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Alistair in the ER, Oliver the EMT

Two weeks ago, the kind of accident I was afraid would happen if I didn't spend every spare minute with my kids, instead of blogging about them, happened anyway. I had just gotten home from work and decided to check my email one more time before entering the mosh pit that used to be our family room. While I was upstairs I heard my wife cry out and ran down to find Alistair with a deep gash above his eyebrow. Oliver reported that Alistair had climbed onto the sofa, then plummeted head-first into a toy piano.

After four hours in the emergency room, we would have been grateful for any help at all, even Hugh Laurie insulting us as Dr. House, and did not think to ask for a plastic surgeon instead of an exhausted-looking resident. Alistair got seven stitches and will have a somewhat rougher scar for our stupidity.

Sorry Vista

I could never get anyone to play Sorry with me as a child because the game involves a lot of moving backwards, trading places, and can take from 30 minutes to infinity. Oliver asked me to buy him Sorry after the point in Target when I lose good judgment, and we brought it home. To my horror, the game has been redesigned so that the pieces are translucent and the board looks like a start-up screen for Windows Vista.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Among the Thomasites

Criticize the photograph but consider that I drove two hours to Lancaster, parked in a cornfield, took the boys on a school bus that Oliver enjoyed more than Thomas himself, got stuck in ticket limbo because we'd missed our train, then couldn't get Oliver to uncover his eyes when Thomas appeared because he was so embarrassed, rode Thomas, fed Oliver hot dogs and fries and Alistair yogurt and pre-pumped breast milk on ice, took a school bus back to the car, had everybody and I mean everybody pee in the corn, then played eighteen holes of miniatures golf, all without anyone getting seriously injured.